I hate taking my pictures lately. I hate seeing my eyes. Eyes never lie. They deliver you to either Heaven, Hell or Purgatory, depends on what state your soul is right now. You can guess where my soul is sweating in right now.

I feel so repulsive of myself that I cannot force myself to shift, to feel happy, to love others. I feel guilty more that my girlfriend just continues to be there to love me. I feel stupid with the false choices I've been making today. A life coach should know better, right? I feel guilty. I hope I have loved them enough before. Coz right now I'm beyond vulnerability. I'm beyond that. My emotions are kissing the depths of a vacuum. My mind becoming more insanely dictatorial.

It hurts. My mind hurts. It hurts. My mom's words hurt. It hurts. My heart just pounds against clasped walls, bound by chains of thorn, digging in deep, slicing at every beat. It hurts. My whole silent scream hurt.

I wish I can blow this feeling away. This is unhealthy. No, this is inhumane. I'm slowly being butchered to a fine cut fit for a queen. Swines did not want to die; however, someone deemed they should. Filthy swines rolling around in mud, squealing, growing pound by pound, giving birth to more swines, lying around oblivious to the negation the universe had fated on them. Then one day, the hand that fed them deemed it's time. Swines.

They're better off.