As I sit here coming up with a new entry for my blog, I see the evening sky from my 2 bedroom windows bursting with flavorful colors of violet, pink, red, yellow, green. My ears are ringing from the explosives and my back's hurting from sitting too long on this chair.
The lights and booms appear too close for comfort, as if when I reach out of the window, I can easily cup in my hands these puffy colorful flowers of the night.
Since this morning, I kept shaking this irate feeling of fear, uncertainty, anxiety. I kept trying to bring back the loving Haidee, the one who believes that love is the answer, no other way to do it.
On my right window, I watch red strikes glide the walls of my room. On my left window, I watch red and green bullets attack the serenity of a regular night. I lowered the volume of my TV to bask in the thunders. I feel my floor shiver now and then. I can smell the residue of fireworks powder even with tightly closed doors and windows.
Looking back, I have never experienced New Year like this, feeling alienated, alone, incomplete. Looking back, I have never witnessed New Year like this. Usually, I turn the TV and music from my laptop full blast to drone out the unwanted sounds.
But now, I feel like a child again. A continuous replay of "Seasons of Love" serves as the perfect background to the pitter-patter of the celebrations, the sprinkle of Trix-colored night pellets.
I guess 2008 is very promising after all. :)
Monday, December 31, 2007
Equine Experience
Mom said yesterday to wake up early coz we still need to buy fruits and flowers yada yada before her opening shop yada yada.
I was jolted out of dreamland when she barraged into my room picking up clothes to wash for her early morning laundry. Ungodly 4:30am, when I set my alarm at 5am. I was robbed, I tell you, ROBBBBEDDDD!!! So here I am watching Travel & Living again at 5:30am while waiting for my mom.
Every time I tune in to this channel, feels like I'm being transported to another world, to their world: their travels, their adventures, their luxury... *sigh*
Anyway, I caught Angus Fontaine living the life of the rich & famous... and not-so-famous, yet still lavishly wealthy. He's now checking out Miraval Resorts at Arizona. Now, I'm more of a Bobby Chinn and Anthony Bourdaine fan (I wonder why...), so whenever I catch Angus Fontaine on TV, I tend to switch back to Disney Channel or what other show caught my fancy.
However, something he was trying out at the resort caught my attention. He was enrolled at a program involving horses. *Eyng* Wrong guess. He's not horseback riding.
Doing a quick search on the web, he was enrolled at Wyatt Webb's Equine Experience program. Wyatt tasked Angus to simply give a horse a ... "hoof scrub." As you've seen in cowboy movies, one does not immediately grab a horse's hoof, unless one wants to instantly become a 4th of July show.
So Wyatt guided Angus to slowly move down the horse's leg, gently squeeze its ankles, and wait for a few seconds for it to raise its hoof; if not, back off. Kinda like wooing a girl to dance with you in the old 16th century balls. Anyway, I guess Angus' charm only works on women coz the horsie refused him its hand... er, hoof.
Before backing off, what Angus did was to slowly glide his hand again up to the horse's shoulder. What was fascinating; however, was how Wyatt detected a lot of Angus' traits/mannerisms/behavior/attitude with that simple scene. He asked how long had Angus been using his charm to get his way, to get what he wants.
Wyatt told Angus to try the whole task again... but with his eyes closed. Angus obliged, and as a viewer, I can see how Angus became more unsure of himself. He only relied on his senses and on Wyatt's voice and instructions, "move a bit more to your left, squeeze lightly..." I can see that though it seemed a bit awkward or unnerving, it was a practice of trust for him then and there: trusting himself, trusting Wyatt, trusting the horse. He has no other way but to abide to the rules of a different game.
After a few seconds, the horse raised its hoof up for a quick scrubbing from a well-traveled journalist who probably has never scrubbed someone else's foot, let alone an animal's. Wyatt processed him and Angus admitted that what worked was him following his instinct.
That program really grabbed my interest because since I've finished LEAP, I've been into similar things: clawing deep down and discovering untapped natural capabilities, which are basically the only qualities one would need in this world.
Someday I'd like to experience that and learn from that man, Mr. Wyatt Webb. What's the value, you say? Well, I should say: learning, growth, excitement, adventure, humility.
I was jolted out of dreamland when she barraged into my room picking up clothes to wash for her early morning laundry. Ungodly 4:30am, when I set my alarm at 5am. I was robbed, I tell you, ROBBBBEDDDD!!! So here I am watching Travel & Living again at 5:30am while waiting for my mom.
Every time I tune in to this channel, feels like I'm being transported to another world, to their world: their travels, their adventures, their luxury... *sigh*
Anyway, I caught Angus Fontaine living the life of the rich & famous... and not-so-famous, yet still lavishly wealthy. He's now checking out Miraval Resorts at Arizona. Now, I'm more of a Bobby Chinn and Anthony Bourdaine fan (I wonder why...), so whenever I catch Angus Fontaine on TV, I tend to switch back to Disney Channel or what other show caught my fancy.
However, something he was trying out at the resort caught my attention. He was enrolled at a program involving horses. *Eyng* Wrong guess. He's not horseback riding.
Doing a quick search on the web, he was enrolled at Wyatt Webb's Equine Experience program. Wyatt tasked Angus to simply give a horse a ... "hoof scrub." As you've seen in cowboy movies, one does not immediately grab a horse's hoof, unless one wants to instantly become a 4th of July show.
So Wyatt guided Angus to slowly move down the horse's leg, gently squeeze its ankles, and wait for a few seconds for it to raise its hoof; if not, back off. Kinda like wooing a girl to dance with you in the old 16th century balls. Anyway, I guess Angus' charm only works on women coz the horsie refused him its hand... er, hoof.
Before backing off, what Angus did was to slowly glide his hand again up to the horse's shoulder. What was fascinating; however, was how Wyatt detected a lot of Angus' traits/mannerisms/behavior/attitude with that simple scene. He asked how long had Angus been using his charm to get his way, to get what he wants.
Wyatt told Angus to try the whole task again... but with his eyes closed. Angus obliged, and as a viewer, I can see how Angus became more unsure of himself. He only relied on his senses and on Wyatt's voice and instructions, "move a bit more to your left, squeeze lightly..." I can see that though it seemed a bit awkward or unnerving, it was a practice of trust for him then and there: trusting himself, trusting Wyatt, trusting the horse. He has no other way but to abide to the rules of a different game.
After a few seconds, the horse raised its hoof up for a quick scrubbing from a well-traveled journalist who probably has never scrubbed someone else's foot, let alone an animal's. Wyatt processed him and Angus admitted that what worked was him following his instinct.
That program really grabbed my interest because since I've finished LEAP, I've been into similar things: clawing deep down and discovering untapped natural capabilities, which are basically the only qualities one would need in this world.
Someday I'd like to experience that and learn from that man, Mr. Wyatt Webb. What's the value, you say? Well, I should say: learning, growth, excitement, adventure, humility.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
On the Look-out: Drum Tabs
Anyone knows where I can get drum tabs of songs like Linkin Park's "Faint?" It would be helpful also if there's a website where solo drumming vids are available.
P.S. Linkin Park seems like they're evolving. A bit U2-ish now, esp with their new "Shadow of the Day."
P.S. Linkin Park seems like they're evolving. A bit U2-ish now, esp with their new "Shadow of the Day."
Maury Show
I'm watching Maury now at 2nd Avenue. Yeah, it's obvious I'm a TV addict. I guess I'm just compensating for the times I was too tired to even turn on the TV.
Boy, these Americans can be freaky. I hope the freakiest ones are just fabricated, but it seems that people can be...er, creative in their lives also. So far what I caught in the show are:
Boy, these Americans can be freaky. I hope the freakiest ones are just fabricated, but it seems that people can be...er, creative in their lives also. So far what I caught in the show are:
- A 38 year-old white woman is engaged to a 24 year-old black dude. Her instincts are telling her he had been cheating on her, and that he might be a man-whore for free cigarettes, mp3 players and a laptop. She said she's been too distressed that she can't eat, can't sleep.
- As a trap, Maury's team put the guy into a limo with a lady-decoy pretending that she's one of the guests for the show. It took the guy 13 minutes before he started lip-locking with her.
- So no surprise when lie-detectors divulge that this guy had cheated with 5 women, 25 times.
- A woman's husband is a pimp and had been cheating with her.
- An angry man subjected his wife to Maury, and his lie-detecting machines, to check if she had cheated and is cheating on him.
- He believes that their 3 children are not his, and has been alienating them.
- Guess what, his wife never cheated.
- Well, in support of his truth, I hope he settles his issues before his children end up like him or like the other freaks featured in the show.
Declare and Deliver
It had been sometime since I last thought of coming up with a list of things I want to do while I'm still alive. I guess I've been thinking of a limit when in fact I should be open to additions subtractions multiplications divisions (to the list) as life rolls.
Since it's free to dream:
Since it's free to dream:
- write a book
- learn wakeboarding/surfing/water skiing/wind surfing
- buy a Nikon DSLR (still hesitating with D40)
- buy a video camera
- own a car (still drooling over Mazda 3... occasionally tempted by the stocky Mazda 6)
- go to Singapore to visit friends and relative
- explore the bazaars of Thailand
- adventure the lands of Australia and New Zealand
- taste the flavours of Europe
- scuba-dive the local waters of the Philippines
- own a house with bookshelves for my babies, a bathroom lounge, a walk-in closet, a room for my drums
- paint
- host an exhibit of my photos and paintings
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Seasons of Love...?
Today's Christmas, and I was watching Christmas toons on Disney Channel while surfing for Wicked songs. I found out that the lead Idina Menzel was on Rent also. This reminded me of the song "Seasons of Love," which reminded me of 3rd Intensive. How it was just overflowing with love.
But something happened here at home that's no season of love.
Today's Christmas, the day our maid of 5+ years left. She had a fight with my aunt, packed her stuff and stormed out of our home. Mom had been declaring to the universe that our maid will leave. Ask and it shall be delivered.
I just felt bad that it was Christmas and it was evening. No taxis are passing by and she hadn't caught herself yet to think where she'll be staying.
I'm not writing a MMK special here. I just feel sad with what had transpired.
I feel that in a way, I am also partly responsible for not taking action. I could've counteracted the flow of events but I chose to stay in the comforts of my room when things are getting loud outside. I thought it's the usual hoolabaloo. I should have heeded when my intuition's "wang-wang" started screaming.
Man, I should stop this. It's really hard beating myself up. Pakshet mga belief system na ito! Every time I realize where these all came from, I find myself distancing my source of thousands of BSes: my mom.
I know I still feel...incomplete, so everyday I work on concretizing myself, that someday I can take back my lost childhood characteristics, and live life as life and God had intended.
But something happened here at home that's no season of love.
Today's Christmas, the day our maid of 5+ years left. She had a fight with my aunt, packed her stuff and stormed out of our home. Mom had been declaring to the universe that our maid will leave. Ask and it shall be delivered.
I just felt bad that it was Christmas and it was evening. No taxis are passing by and she hadn't caught herself yet to think where she'll be staying.
I'm not writing a MMK special here. I just feel sad with what had transpired.
I feel that in a way, I am also partly responsible for not taking action. I could've counteracted the flow of events but I chose to stay in the comforts of my room when things are getting loud outside. I thought it's the usual hoolabaloo. I should have heeded when my intuition's "wang-wang" started screaming.
Man, I should stop this. It's really hard beating myself up. Pakshet mga belief system na ito! Every time I realize where these all came from, I find myself distancing my source of thousands of BSes: my mom.
I know I still feel...incomplete, so everyday I work on concretizing myself, that someday I can take back my lost childhood characteristics, and live life as life and God had intended.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve
On some days aboard a jeepney or an LRT, or when I'm just lounging in a cafe somewhere, I always have a topic in mind to write in my blog page. I feel I always have things to share, but when the blog template's staring back at me, my mind seems to run out of gas.
In the meantime, half of my attention's directed to the TV. While channel-hopping among the cartoon stations, I noticed that Christmas 2007 is a few minutes away.
I looked back to my past Christmases.
I remember the times back in grade school and high school when school will go on a break days before Christmas. Whenever I get up in the morning, sans breakfast, I heartily enjoy marathons of Christmas toons on Cartoon Network and other channels. No matter how many times I've caught different versions and variations of Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol (Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Mickey Mouse, Tom & Jerry, etc.), it's still amazing how I still enjoy watching them even in replays.
Now, I get to relive my childhood anew with cartoons with refreshingly new stories, as well as well-loved ones with wonderful twists. And now we have 3 channels that play these creations 24/7. (Tip: I find primetime, around 8pm, more enjoyable.)
One other Christmas that stood out was a bit recent. 2005 to be exact.
Unlike Philippines, Taiwan does not celebrate Christmas as a major holiday. So after 21 years of lounging my Christmases Manila, I was suddenly thrust in a society that works their Christmastime off. Man, how I had missed everyone back in Manila: my friends, my family, the food, the festivities, driving to familiar places, the comforts and conveniences.
I had been immersed in Taiwan for more than 6 months already, yet all of a sudden, everything felt so foreign again. As if this season to be jolly had recharged the feeling of isolation, hollowness that I had tried to beat by diving myself into work and more requested work. There were more "Hay..." than "Falalalala lalalala..."
I used to rationalize then that our Christmases was nothing extraordinary. We don't have noche buenas. Exchanging gifts is optional. "Kung hindi kailangan, wag nang bilhin. Mahirap panahon kelangang magtipid." Partly I bought my own rationalization. It took some of the sting away.
Coming back to the present, with that memory replaying like old Christmas cartoon reruns, I felt really grateful for being here, for spending Christmas here.
Sure, I'm back to our eventless Christmas "celebration" here at home. However, the feeling's like rebirth. I enjoy things differently. Merely ordering food, in my native tongue, at a restaurant brings an inner smile. Driving around feels comfortable. Seating shotgun while chatting with a taxi driver awakens me even after a claustrophobic experience at a packed Mall of Asia.
It's heart-warming... and scary at the same time. It's like falling in love again yet knowing the risk that it wouldn't last. I see myself living and thriving abroad, and it's a bit scary to think that some day I will have to relive again those same emotions I had felt back in Taiwan.
But that's still in the future, and as I've learned, live in the moment. And borrowing a theme from moments of past, this moment calls for a cup of hot chocolate, a remote control and some classic Disney cartoons.
In the meantime, half of my attention's directed to the TV. While channel-hopping among the cartoon stations, I noticed that Christmas 2007 is a few minutes away.
I looked back to my past Christmases.
I remember the times back in grade school and high school when school will go on a break days before Christmas. Whenever I get up in the morning, sans breakfast, I heartily enjoy marathons of Christmas toons on Cartoon Network and other channels. No matter how many times I've caught different versions and variations of Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol (Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Mickey Mouse, Tom & Jerry, etc.), it's still amazing how I still enjoy watching them even in replays.
Now, I get to relive my childhood anew with cartoons with refreshingly new stories, as well as well-loved ones with wonderful twists. And now we have 3 channels that play these creations 24/7. (Tip: I find primetime, around 8pm, more enjoyable.)
One other Christmas that stood out was a bit recent. 2005 to be exact.
Unlike Philippines, Taiwan does not celebrate Christmas as a major holiday. So after 21 years of lounging my Christmases Manila, I was suddenly thrust in a society that works their Christmastime off. Man, how I had missed everyone back in Manila: my friends, my family, the food, the festivities, driving to familiar places, the comforts and conveniences.
I had been immersed in Taiwan for more than 6 months already, yet all of a sudden, everything felt so foreign again. As if this season to be jolly had recharged the feeling of isolation, hollowness that I had tried to beat by diving myself into work and more requested work. There were more "Hay..." than "Falalalala lalalala..."
I used to rationalize then that our Christmases was nothing extraordinary. We don't have noche buenas. Exchanging gifts is optional. "Kung hindi kailangan, wag nang bilhin. Mahirap panahon kelangang magtipid." Partly I bought my own rationalization. It took some of the sting away.
Coming back to the present, with that memory replaying like old Christmas cartoon reruns, I felt really grateful for being here, for spending Christmas here.
Sure, I'm back to our eventless Christmas "celebration" here at home. However, the feeling's like rebirth. I enjoy things differently. Merely ordering food, in my native tongue, at a restaurant brings an inner smile. Driving around feels comfortable. Seating shotgun while chatting with a taxi driver awakens me even after a claustrophobic experience at a packed Mall of Asia.
It's heart-warming... and scary at the same time. It's like falling in love again yet knowing the risk that it wouldn't last. I see myself living and thriving abroad, and it's a bit scary to think that some day I will have to relive again those same emotions I had felt back in Taiwan.
But that's still in the future, and as I've learned, live in the moment. And borrowing a theme from moments of past, this moment calls for a cup of hot chocolate, a remote control and some classic Disney cartoons.
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