Christmas Eve

On some days aboard a jeepney or an LRT, or when I'm just lounging in a cafe somewhere, I always have a topic in mind to write in my blog page. I feel I always have things to share, but when the blog template's staring back at me, my mind seems to run out of gas.

In the meantime, half of my attention's directed to the TV. While channel-hopping among the cartoon stations, I noticed that Christmas 2007 is a few minutes away.

I looked back to my past Christmases.

I remember the times back in grade school and high school when school will go on a break days before Christmas. Whenever I get up in the morning, sans breakfast, I heartily enjoy marathons of Christmas toons on Cartoon Network and other channels. No matter how many times I've caught different versions and variations of Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol (Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Mickey Mouse, Tom & Jerry, etc.), it's still amazing how I still enjoy watching them even in replays.

Now, I get to relive my childhood anew with cartoons with refreshingly new stories, as well as well-loved ones with wonderful twists. And now we have 3 channels that play these creations 24/7. (Tip: I find primetime, around 8pm, more enjoyable.)

One other Christmas that stood out was a bit recent. 2005 to be exact.

Unlike Philippines, Taiwan does not celebrate Christmas as a major holiday. So after 21 years of lounging my Christmases Manila, I was suddenly thrust in a society that works their Christmastime off. Man, how I had missed everyone back in Manila: my friends, my family, the food, the festivities, driving to familiar places, the comforts and conveniences.

I had been immersed in Taiwan for more than 6 months already, yet all of a sudden, everything felt so foreign again. As if this season to be jolly had recharged the feeling of isolation, hollowness that I had tried to beat by diving myself into work and more requested work. There were more "Hay..." than "Falalalala lalalala..."

I used to rationalize then that our Christmases was nothing extraordinary. We don't have noche buenas. Exchanging gifts is optional. "Kung hindi kailangan, wag nang bilhin. Mahirap panahon kelangang magtipid." Partly I bought my own rationalization. It took some of the sting away.

Coming back to the present, with that memory replaying like old Christmas cartoon reruns, I felt really grateful for being here, for spending Christmas here.

Sure, I'm back to our eventless Christmas "celebration" here at home. However, the feeling's like rebirth. I enjoy things differently. Merely ordering food, in my native tongue, at a restaurant brings an inner smile. Driving around feels comfortable. Seating shotgun while chatting with a taxi driver awakens me even after a claustrophobic experience at a packed Mall of Asia.

It's heart-warming... and scary at the same time. It's like falling in love again yet knowing the risk that it wouldn't last. I see myself living and thriving abroad, and it's a bit scary to think that some day I will have to relive again those same emotions I had felt back in Taiwan.

But that's still in the future, and as I've learned, live in the moment. And borrowing a theme from moments of past, this moment calls for a cup of hot chocolate, a remote control and some classic Disney cartoons.