Musings

Many times I've thought of going back home for good. Never to work in another country again.

However, the mere idea of settling back into my comfort zone is a confinement scarier than the thrill of experiencing what is new and a bit unknown.

Living with what you're familiar with doesn't make you grow that much. You do your daily rituals like a machine. You push through your days like a zombie. Living abroad in different cultures made you harness your interacting skills, problem-solving skills pushing you beyond what you think is your limit.

Alone, you can really feel the absence of company. However, solitude can make you feel the presence of your mind. Gives you time to think, read, think, access yourself and view your life as a 3rd person. Most of all, it makes you notice a lot of things that normally wouldn't even catch your attention.

Taiwan was my first "destination." And you know what they say about firsts - you rarely forget them. What I love most about living in Taiwan is that I became an explorer!

On my scooter, I used to experiment with the directions - on it I squirmed through alleys and back alleys. (I discovered new and quaint coffeeshops that way. I regret not being able to take pictures of them.) It broadened my mental map of the city I lived in. Doing this I saw and felt, the world may be big and daunting, but that's just it. It's not bad after all.

The feeling's kinda like being thrown into the pool to force you to learn to swim. At first you waddle like crazy hoping to stay afloat, and eventually you learn to... and you enjoy it. After knowing how to swim, there are days you want to go back again, probably to hone your strokes or to learn a new style. Every time you get a chance to notice, "ah, so this is where I've been doing wrong" or "so doing this increases my speed."

You go to a different pool and you'll still be able to swim, only better coz you've been practising. Sure, the depth and width / shape may be different, but bottomline is you still can swim and enjoy swimming.

That's the image I can give that'll best describe my experiences so far.

The addiction of moving from one new world to another probably stems from the curiosity of wanting to discover what else I am capable of doing, from the desire of knowing more about myself and what I'm really meant to do in this lifetime.

I was passionate about drumming once. Still am. And it gives me no greater satisfaction than to bang on the drums and just let it all out.

I want to have the same drive with my life. I want to find the same kind of passion that will move me and give me courage to tread over doubts and uncertainties. Nothing is more exciting and exhilarating than doing something out of passion. And in the end, win or lose, you still feel victorious coz you know you gave it your very all.

That's the search I'm in, and if the search meant I have to go around the world, may my angel be at my side to enlighten me always.